Dancing with the ... well, you know

Tom Bergeron and former host (future contestant?) Samantha Harris
(picture from ABC, realitytvmagazine.sheknows.com)

Last night Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke crashed the Bachelor Pad to announce the much anticipated cast of "Dancing with the Stars: Season 11." My reaction to this cast was fairly similar to that of past casts - "I remember her." "Who the hell is he?" "Well that one's unexpected!"

Shock of the night was Bristol Palin. But maybe not that surprising given she recently announced her latest flip-flopping over a certain ex via tabloid magazine. I am, I admit, looking forward to watching her and Jersey Shore's The Situation. It would be even better if they could somehow be dance partners, because "The Situation with Bristol Palin" finally could take on a new and (arguably) more positive meaning for all involved.

The rest of the cast, however, was somewhat of a disappointment. I have little interest in sports legends or socialites, and you almost expect David Hasselhoff to eventually show up in all qualifying reality TV gigs. That said, here is the cast I want for Season 12: The Dancing Dream Team!!!

Ladies:
Janet Jackson - The performer who coined the "wardrobe malfunction" could comfortably fly under FCC radar in a show that features regular and often intentional tearing-offs of shirts, pants and skirts.

Tonya Harding - Kristi! Evan! Apolo! Skaters always do well. Plus Tonya has a reputation that makes for good ratings, and DWTS has a reputation for redeeming fallen stars. It's a win-win, just keep all hammers off set.

Charo - While I am of the generation that recalls this spunky Spaniard most from Geico commercials and "The Surreal Life," older viewers who remember her Vegas shows and "The Love Boat" would round out her fan base. And you can bet your cuchi-cuchi she'd tear up the Latin numbers.

Samantha Harris - If ex-contestant Brooke Burke can become a host, why can't ex-host Samantha Harris become a contestant? I do miss her off-the-mark commentary and awkward pregnant pauses.

Donald Trump's Wife - I can't remember her name. I'm guessing most others can't, either, which is a perfect reason for her to join the cast. Plus, doesn't every season include an ex-model?

Jessica Rabbit - It's about time this show gave equal opportunity to animated stars who have passed their heyday. They could even upgrade her to CGI. The male viewers will multiply exponentially.

Men:
Mel Gibson - When talking about stars who need a chance to redeem themselves, Mel wins the mirrorball trophy. Plus, doesn't every cast need a villain?

Sanjaya - His big hair and likable charm were totally wasted on "American Idol." DWTS doesn't ask for talent, just hard work and some flair. We think Sanjaya and his faux-hawk would deliver both.

Jesse Ventura - The show has had politicians, pro-wrestlers and actors, but never all three rolled into one independent dancer. You could bet his performances would include pink feather boas and some unforgettable speeches.

Kevin Federline - His career as a back-up dancer would give him an unfair advantage, but that didn't stop the pussycat. K-Fed also could use this opportunity to get back into shape and the spotlight.

Jared the Subway Guy - Though his "star" power has been more consistent than most contestants, it has faded a bit and dancing could give him that extra boost. Also, great product placement potential.

Bob from Sesame Street: The sentimental old guy favorite for sure. I already have his fox trot to "Rubber Duckie" choreographed in my head. Solid tens, and a standing ovation!

RNA gets cozy with C.M. and Bob

RNA