Movie Review: Toy Story 3

Well...I'm not a huge movie guy, but when there's a movie that's so big you can't ignore it, a sequel in a series you've appreciated that promises dazzling, mind-blowing animation, and a movie that 99% of verified movie critics give a resounding thumbs-up, I just have to see the magnificence that everyone's talking about!

And the result...none of them know what they're talking about.

Complete garbage.

Yes, that movie is, sadly, Toy Story 3.  Now, if you're about to be a hater hear me out: I'm not just saying this to go 'against the grain'!  I honest-to-goodness thought this was one of the most awful movies of the past year and if you read this review you'll know exactly why.

First, to get it out of the way, yes, the animation was brilliant.  It was even better than in I and II (and it better well have been, given those were 15 and 11 years ago -- wow, I can't believe it's been that long.)  But unfortunately, the story was just as ridiculous as the animation was good.\

A quick synopsis and character overview: Andy, owner of the toys, goes to college, and all of his toys end up being accidentally donated to Sunnyside nursery.  The same usual suspects are here (Woody, Buzz Lightyear, and a bunch of other irrelevant but just as boring looking toys) and we also meet Barbie (one of his sister's old toys).  At Sunnyside we are introduced to Ken (of course), a bear named Lotso, some disturbing looking baby, and a bunch more irrelevant toys.  Oh yeah, then there's Bonnie, an arbitrarily introduced generic little girl who for some reason becomes very important to the story.  Warning: below may contain spoilers!  (But by now, who hasn't seen Toy Story 3?)

So my first of two major gripes is the inconsistencies.

• In I and II, the toys always always re-arranged themselves to be in exactly the same place as where they were left.  But not quite here.  The toys get (accidentally) thrown out by his mom, and of course they bring themselves back.  But it's unclear how Andy knows that they got back to his house from the dumpster, especially since his mom admitted to throwing them away. 
• Woody writes a note telling him to donate all of the toys to Bonnie -- and he himself jumps into the box without Andy finding out until he hands the box to Bonnie.  That makes the idea of 'toys having adventures when nobody is around but always end up exactly as they were left' null and void.
• The toys go through all the trouble of trying to get back to Andy, always talk about how they're they're 'for Andy' no matter what, and then at the last moment they actively get donated to Bonnie.  Bonnie already has her own set of toys.  Not to mention they're gonna have the same problem of not being played with anymore in about 10 years when Bonnie grows up

Secondly, a huge chunk of Toy Story 3 should not have been in a G-rated movie, especially one about kids toys.  Not that I'm (that much of) a puritan, but daaaamn, in the context of everything the following things just plain disturbed me:

• When Barbie meets Ken, Ken invites her to spend the night in his dream house and the rest of the toys cheer her on.  This is such like the rest of a sorrority cheering her sister on when they think she's about to "score."
• Barbie tells Ken, "nice ascot."  For all I care, she might as well have just said "nice @$$" since that's what every <10 year old (and >10 year old, for that matter) is going to think she meant. (However, despite these two caveats, Barbie/Ken was the most well-done character dynamic in the movie.)
• Lotso Bear is full-time sociopath.  This is too mature of a theme to introduce to kids.  And everything having to do with Lotso was just plain flawed.
• The other toys keep on reminding Lotso, "you got replaced" (with emphasis on you.)  Yes, he's being a jerk to them but if they are trying at all to get him to be on their side, rubbing it in isn't going to help at all.
• After Lotso tries to kill Woody & Company, Woody saves him from being burned to a fiery death.  This goes beyond "turning the other cheek"; if someone has it out for you and tries to kill you, you do NOT save them!  That's irresponsible and dangerous.
• Speaking of fiery deaths, the movie shows Woody & company as well in a big scary flaming pit of garbage, showing our heroes about to meet their demise via incineration as well.  Way too intense and totally inappropriate considering the target audience.

And there are still a few minor gripes that need not be left unsaid:

• Woody puts on the totally overused "generic arrogant wannabe superhero" persona when Bonnie's other toys are asking him how he escaped.
• The little kids of Sunnyside are being portrayed as savages when banging the toys against the ground.
• The toy baby (Lotso's assistant) looks like something out of a horror movie and then turns good at the end.

There were a few good parts though:

A valiant effort, but in the end couldn't save Toy Story 3 from itself.

• Barbie and Ken, as mentioned earlier, was very well done.  Barbie's typical heroineesque, Ken is villainesque, but their love for each other trumps evil, helps the toys rescue each other, and turns Ken good, for good.
• When Bonnie's toys realize Woody already has an owner who cares for him as Bonnie cares for her toys, they understand how important it is to help reunite Woody with his owner.  Too bad Woody blows it.
• Bonnie, being younger, has a 'hip'per set of toys, complete with Totoro and peas in a pod.

All in all, C-.  Astounding animation (just short of being 'flawless' as Andy's mom is drawn to look the same age as Andy) and a plot and story slightly more bad than the animation was good.  Better luck next time, if there is one.

DNA